Peter Pettigrew, Lothario Extraordinaire
by Muses' Advocate
Summary: Remus is cute, Sirius is studly, James is hot, and Peter is... swept under the rug so the other Maruders can go about their romantic business. WHAT? What about Wormtail? My take on how it really was. Wickedly AU.


People, I wanted to set something straight. It's Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Not Cutie-Pie, Hot stuff, Stud muffin, and that one other guy. If Canon!Peter and Fanon!Peter were the same people, there is no reason he would a) hang out with the other Marauders or b) be in Gryffindor. So, here's my (very brief) recounting of the tale. Features extreme out-of-character-ness on everyone's part and GaryStu!Peter. Oh, joy. And kudos if you can find the "Before the Dawn" lyrics =D 

* * *

Peter Pettigrew slid into his usual spot at the Gryffindor table. He brushed his long, sandy hair out of his handsome face and turned cornflower- blue eyes to the enchanted ceiling, searching for owls. Sure enough, a flurry of wings descended through one of the high arched windows and landed directly in front of him. Fifteen, he counted. Not bad, but usually he got closer to eighteen. He was about to subtly enlarge his lower lip in a sultry pout, but James Potter interrupted his actions.  
  
"H-hey, Pete," James said nervously, hardly daring to look Peter in the eye. "H-how many t-today?" Peter gazed at his friend for a moment. "Fifteen," he answered loftily.  
  
"O-only f-fifteen?" James stuttered running his hand through his hair obsessively. "C-can I m-make it up to y-you? B-butter your toast, or s- something..."  
  
James had been reaching for the pile of toast on Peter's plate, but his hand was swatted away by another.  
  
"No!" Sirius Black cried, then blushed crimson when they both looked at him. "What I meant was, I wanted to butter it for you, Pete." He added in a much more subdued voice. HE even batted his eyelashes flirtatiously. "Very well," Peter responded with the same aloof air he'd used earlier. He waved his hand vaguely at them and turned away. "Carry on!"  
  
Two pairs of hands immediately seized his toast and began buttering madly. _

* * *

_

_Dearest darlingest baby Peter-  
  
Schnookums, I love you so much. Say you love me too?  
  
Yours forever-  
  
Bellatrix Black_

_

* * *

_

_Peter, honey,  
  
Let's run away and get married. Don't tell anyone, it can be our secret!  
  
Tons of love from the soon-to-be Mrs. Pettigrew, Lily Evans._

_

* * *

_

_Pettigrew-  
  
I can't deny my feelings for you any longer. Meet me after dark and I'll hold you.  
  
Lucius Malfoy. _

* * *

Peter raised his perfect eyebrows at the last one. Hadn't Lucius graduated in Peter's first year? Oh well. It could be fun.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew waltzed into the Gryffindor common room at three a.m. , looking immensely elated.  
  
Immediately as he walked in, three forms rose from the couch, their faces dim in the dying firelight. Sirius' lipstick was smeared; judging by the "Very Berry"-colored streaks on both James' and Remus' faces, plus a rather bloody bite mark on the top of Remus' ear, Peter could just guess what they'd been doing.  
  
"Where have you been?" Three voices squeaked, whined, and cried (respectively) in unison.  
  
"I had to respond to my fanmail," Peter responded airily, making his way up the stairs. "Oh, and Remus- I noticed you tried to slip love Potion into my goblet at lunch again today. Let's not have that happen again, hmm?" The werewolf doubled over in hysterical sobs. James and Sirius patted his back none too platonically, if not awkwardly. "I-it was my only choice!" Remus howled. "Why won't he love me?"  
  
"H-he doesn't l-love any of u-us," James answered sadly. Sirius disentangled his fingers from Remus' hair and pointed one accusingly at James. "Don't you dare say that!" he hissed. James stuck his tongue out at him. "BITCH!" Sirius yelled, pouncing on James and bringing his knuckles delicately to James' skinny cheek.  
  
"Oh, the children," Peter simpered coyly to one of the six girls clustered about him. "The things they do for love."

* * *

Fin.


End file.
